[ Chuuya has an answer. He has no idea if it happens to be the right answer for anyone other than him, but this is the conclusion he's come to over years of struggling with his own concept of self and humanity. When you're a stanza of poetry away from losing the person you are, you have to find some sort of way to hold onto the things you have to lose. At one point the way to figure out what was or wasn't true was to wait for a hand around his wrist and a wash of cool blue light. That would always wipe away everything that wasn't. That hadn't been something he could rely on forever, and Nakahara Chuuya has had to figure out step by step through his life what he does and does not believe to be real. There's a scar on his wrist that may be proof of humanity or may not. He gave up on solid proof in favor of sheer willpower ages ago. ]
that's a good start. those are real things. repeat them to yourself when you feel like you're not sure what's real, and if they don't feel real? you have to decide to believe in them anyway.
[ He says it like it's a choice you make, holding onto what's real. Deciding what is. Because that is how Chuuya handles it. In the absence of Abilities, without partners who don't stick around, without the proof you had to sacrifice in order to protect people? You only have the things you decide are real. You make your own fucking reality and you get defensive when anyone tries to shatter it. ]
and if you forget them while we're both here, just ask me. i'll remember them for you.
[ He types that one out so fast, like if it's off his phone and elsewhere in a second he didn't actually say it. It's just an offer. It's whatever. Chuuya thinks about nightmares he can't remember and looking in mirrors wondering if he was just a line of code and how easily that code could be edited. ]
and you ARE younger than me, fucker, so take my advice as your senior.
whoops!!!!
that's a good start. those are real things. repeat them to yourself when you feel like you're not sure what's real, and if they don't feel real? you have to decide to believe in them anyway.
[ He says it like it's a choice you make, holding onto what's real. Deciding what is. Because that is how Chuuya handles it. In the absence of Abilities, without partners who don't stick around, without the proof you had to sacrifice in order to protect people? You only have the things you decide are real. You make your own fucking reality and you get defensive when anyone tries to shatter it. ]
and if you forget them while we're both here, just ask me. i'll remember them for you.
[ He types that one out so fast, like if it's off his phone and elsewhere in a second he didn't actually say it. It's just an offer. It's whatever. Chuuya thinks about nightmares he can't remember and looking in mirrors wondering if he was just a line of code and how easily that code could be edited. ]
and you ARE younger than me, fucker, so take my advice as your senior.