[ just ask me, he says, with all the confidence oushi doesn't have. all the confidence he can't quite muster, when faced with all the absurdity of the past few weeks of his life. how will i know you're real? is what he doesn't dare ask, not when he's already asked too much of chuuya, not when chuuya's already given more than he ever needed to.
he supposes the irony's the point. when you find yourself unable to even trust your own instincts, you've no other option left but to trust in someone else's.
is that why patho-gen keeps stressing connections? a part of him hates that the people at blame for all this might just so happen to be right about the best way to deal with it all. ]
not by much
[ it's stupid to hang onto that, those two measly years, but it grants him a bit more space to process it all. to breathe it in and let it stick. ]
thanks though i'll... keep that all in mind
[ now is probably the part where he offers the same comfort in turn. but that would require chuuya to tell him something about himself, and if it's not something the other man is freely offering, then does he have any right to ask for it? it sounds like, at least, that he more or less understands this far better than oushi does... and maybe that means, then, that he's got his own failsafes already in place.
not for the first time, oushi finds himself at the precipice of do or don't... and not for the first time, he falls back on the latter. ]
[ He doesn't have to offer anything. Nakahara Chuuya has been holding himself together without help for years. He's lived with Corruption lurking over his shoulder and no Dazai fucking Osamu to bring him back from it for years. Four. Even before that he had faced his own questionable humanity in the mirror and decided he would be himself and fuck the other options.
He's always been stubborn. It hasn't changed at all since he was a kid. ]
so you've been having outside adventures that freaked you out?
[ chuuya finds the words to fill in the silence oushi lets linger, and instead of relief he just finds himself feeling an entirely new flavor of shitty.
he puts his head between his knees and tries to remember what the kind flight attendant had told him, when he was just eight and on his very first plane ride feeling like the air was too thin way up there.
breathe through your nose. count the crosses your shoe laces make. then sit back up and try again. ]
you said it yourself there's no reason to be as happy as i felt out there but i still was
[ and then there was the... especially weird part with the preening....... but he's definitely not going to talk about that. ]
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he supposes the irony's the point. when you find yourself unable to even trust your own instincts, you've no other option left but to trust in someone else's.
is that why patho-gen keeps stressing connections? a part of him hates that the people at blame for all this might just so happen to be right about the best way to deal with it all. ]
not by much
[ it's stupid to hang onto that, those two measly years, but it grants him a bit more space to process it all. to breathe it in and let it stick. ]
thanks though
i'll... keep that all in mind
[ now is probably the part where he offers the same comfort in turn. but that would require chuuya to tell him something about himself, and if it's not something the other man is freely offering, then does he have any right to ask for it? it sounds like, at least, that he more or less understands this far better than oushi does... and maybe that means, then, that he's got his own failsafes already in place.
not for the first time, oushi finds himself at the precipice of do or don't... and not for the first time, he falls back on the latter. ]
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He's always been stubborn. It hasn't changed at all since he was a kid. ]
so you've been having outside adventures that freaked you out?
[ He circles back to that, casual as anything. ]
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he puts his head between his knees and tries to remember what the kind flight attendant had told him, when he was just eight and on his very first plane ride feeling like the air was too thin way up there.
breathe through your nose. count the crosses your shoe laces make. then sit back up and try again. ]
you said it yourself
there's no reason to be as happy as i felt out there
but i still was
[ and then there was the... especially weird part with the preening....... but he's definitely not going to talk about that. ]
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[ So it's some sort of...souped up pollen or something. Fuck if he knows. ]
waste of my fucking liquor
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what happened to your liquor?
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it was a romanée-conti
[ Does anyone else even know wine from Earth well enough to understand how fucking devastating this is. ]
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was it one of the things you found in your bag?
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what did you get?
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nothing
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if it weren't for my name on the bag, i'd be convinced they were trying for someone else but got me instead
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[ totally didn't reinforce his imposter syndrome at all nope ]
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[ unless his sw*tch came with him... maybe??? ]
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are you saying you normally just have survival gear lying around?
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